The Grit & Grace Leadership Podcast

Discover the Next Version of YOU!! Featuring Kena Paranjape

• Jen Kelly • Season 1 • Episode 2

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Feeling stuck at life's crossroads? Tune in to the latest Grit & Grace Leadership podcast for an invigorating session with Kena Paranjape, where we tackle change head-on. Discover how to stay true to yourself amidst life's shifts, break free from fear, and expand beyond your comfort zone.

In our candid chat, we distill the essence of transformation, debunk the midlife crisis myth, and give you a practical blueprint for action. Learn how to cultivate unshakeable clarity, confidence and courage as you trust in your journey.

Don't miss out – we wrap up with a powerful two-week plan to kickstart your personal revolution. Join us to align your life with your deepest values and step boldly into the next version of YOU. Your roadmap to change begins here.

BONUS GIFT: Kena is graciously offering a complimentary workshop Nov 13th, 14th, 15th (each day 1 hour)  Save your seat here: https://www.allyouare.ca/clarity

DAY 1: CLARITY - What do you really, really want? The fastrack to a more fulfilling life.

  • Monday, November 13th 12-1pm EST

DAY 2: CONFIDENCE - YES, you have what it takes to create the life you want.

  • Tuesday, November 14th 12-1pm EST

DAY 3: COURAGE - Tools and tips to harness the courage within and begin taking action.

  • Wednesday, November 15th 12-1pm EST

For us for actionable tools & tips for your leadership journey
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Website: www.thegritandgrace.co


Jen:

On the Grit and Grace podcast. We shine the spotlight on the stories behind the leader.

Kena:

I find that there is a woman who comes to it wanting a change, feeling I'm not quite on the right path, but for others it is the sense of I'm not fully showing up as myself. I feel like I'm holding back. I feel like I'm trying to fit a mold within this role instead of being my authentic self in this role.

Jen:

Are you feeling like you're at the crossroads of change? This episode's for you. As leaders, we often iterate on our products or our lines of business, but how often do we iterate on ourselves? What if there is more within us trying to emerge? Join me as I sit down with founder and visionary Kena Peronjapay. We'll explore how to navigate the seasons of change and discuss real-world practical tips that you can apply when you are ready to meet the next version of you. Your next chapter awaits, kena. Thank you so much for being with us today. I was recommended to you by a colleague of mine. You just said you're a phenomenal entrepreneur, woman, pioneer, and I just wanted to kind of just open with a bit of the backstory so that you could, in your own words, kind of share your journey and kind of where you started from, how you kind of rose through your businesses, ultimately, what happened and, more importantly, how is that now informing your work?

Kena:

Thank you for those kind words.

Kena:

I hadn't really had a lot of entrepreneurial influence in my life, but I always had this sort of longing to do something creative and I couldn't really pinpoint what that was.

Kena:

So after I did my BSc in environmental science and geography, I decided against the typical next path and I started to explore what a role in the business world would look like, and that sort of that following the thread has been a theme through my whole life, and so I spent most of my career from then on working in the retail industry on the merchandising and marketing side. I've worked for big brands like Gap and Old Navy, banana Republic, joe Fresh and had some entrepreneurial ventures in there as well, so co-founded a business called Bricka, which was all about highlighting under the radar artisans and designers. I often say that there is what is on your LinkedIn profile, and then there is a whole life that happens. That's not on the bullet points in your LinkedIn profile, and I feel like for me, my professional journey has now come to a point where both of those things have interwoven and led me to where I am today.

Jen:

I think everybody gets to a crossroads or a seasons of change, whether they're in a job or career or something, and they can feel there's another chapter of their life. Like something is trying to birth. Yes, how would you advise people to kind of find that for themselves? Is there any techniques or tips that you offer people through some of your programs when they're really up against that crossroads, trying to figure out what is that thread that I need to pull for myself?

Kena:

I think for me it's about remembering that there is a part of you that is naturally drawn to certain things Like that part of you exists and it may have been programmed out of you because it's like go to school, go take this degree, now go get a job, and so that side of you that has interests and curiosities and that has this desire to explore and to try new things, that part of you still exists. So that's sort of like the first phase is to remind yourself that exists and then it's having the bravery to go and do some of those things right, like to go, like to write an article. If you love to write and if you've always had sort of a natural inclination, is to start to explore. And I think one of the hardest things for women, especially as you become more experienced- and you become more successful in.

Kena:

The sort of thing that you do is feeling like you're new again at something.

Jen:

Oh, wow, right, yes.

Kena:

I think that's like a very difficult thing for us to wrap our heads around. It feels very uncomfortable when we've worked so hard to achieve this level of success and to have people see us a certain way and then to go and, you know, not toss that out, but put it aside in order to show up in a new way. That is a very uncomfortable feeling for women. So I think it's acknowledging that and saying how important is it for me to live a full life right? Like, really, how important is that? And if your answer is it's very important which I would hope for most people it is then are you willing to go through that discomfort, to accept your mediocrity when you're starting something new in order to live that life that you desire to live right? It's a trade-off, but it's absolutely a worthwhile one.

Jen:

And why do you think it's so hard for people to be back in the mediocrity or the beginner's awareness again? Is it fear? Is it that we're just comfortable in the familiar?

Kena:

I think what happens is, as we get older, especially even into just into our 30s, we start to question what success means to us, and then we start to realize that, okay, maybe success isn't exactly for me the way it's been defined, right, and there's like a resistance that happens, you know, because you're like no, but I'm on this path and I'm doing all the right things, and so I think that that's where that comes from is again like this over identification of the role and the success that we've achieved and what it may mean if we start to, you know, choose a different path choose a different path or change how we identify with the role.

Jen:

Yes, I know there's a lot of women who they do. They are in that VP role. They've you know, and they're making great money and they're it's affording them a great place with their family. But maybe the crossroads does not change your job. Maybe the crossroads is don't over. Identify with the value other people are placing on you, or it's like what's hugging you every day to your work?

Jen:

Yes, and the minute you can kind of heal those identifications or those old patterns, you can be a bit more free in the role. Yes, and 100% it doesn't mean you have to one up and quit your job tomorrow.

Kena:

Yes, and I'm so glad you said that, because even in my group programs I find that there is a woman who comes to it wanting a change. Right, feeling I'm not quite on the right path, but for others is the sense of I'm not fully showing up as myself. I feel like I'm holding back, I feel like I'm trying to fit a mold within this role instead of being my authentic self in this role. So I'm very glad you brought that up because I think that's a huge piece of it is reflecting on like how do I want to show up, how do I want to lead? And you can absolutely do that right where you are, once you've done that inner work.

Jen:

And I am thinking of that woman who does have the great VP role or director role or executive role, and she is feeling tired and exhausted and maybe it's not because of the job, but maybe it's because of the way she's associating herself in the role or looking for the validation from, you know, everyone in the room. What are some real practical ways that people can start to make a change and loosening that identification?

Kena:

Yeah, I mean, I think the first one is it's so simple, but start taking some time for yourself. Yes, I am amazed at how many women do not take any time for themselves. But if you don't give yourself space to reflect, to think, to see what comes up, then you're just sort of caught on that hamster wheel. So the first thing I would say is and it can't just be like once every two weeks or once a month, like you need, ideally daily time for yourself, right, so that you can listen to that inner voice, listen to your intuition, see, you know, reflect on what feels good and what doesn't feel good. We need to get some clarity first, to begin with, yeah, and then I think it's like asking yourself what you need, and sometimes that involves boundaries, sometimes that involves support, you know. But the next step if I were going to, you know, sort of give two steps it would be carve out space for yourself, critical yeah.

Jen:

And second would be to ask yourself what do I need I see this all the time with really ambitious people, especially that I've had to kind of overcome a lot of adversity and they can keep going and keep going, and then there's going to be something in life that happens and it's going to force you to stop.

Kena:

Yeah, and look.

Jen:

I've had that for my life. And I know you have to. Can we talk a little bit about what happens if you don't take the space and time Like how does life serve you up the lessons you need? You've come through a lot of and you've had to draw on a lot of great inner resources to do that and I would just love to explore that conversation a little bit.

Kena:

Yes, you know, I think, like I'm making this running list of things that they don't teach you in school and that your parents may not have you know it's not to blame them at all. It's like you can't teach what you don't yourself know, right, but I'm making this running list of things I want my daughter to know. Yeah, and so many of them are things that we learn the hard way, right, that they're things that nobody told us and or you know weren't emphasized, and and then, when you know them, you realize how powerful they are in terms of living your life. You know, forget work, forget family, forget all those components, but just being in your life and living it and leading yourself through your life. You know, and for me, I think you know, you sort of alluded to the very significant upheaval I would call it that happened in my life, which was when I was 30, my husband, who was my high school sweetheart. He became very suddenly critically ill and was in the ICU for four months, like on his deathbed, and it was so shocking and so confusing and was sort of a very acute situation where I realized everything had now changed forever.

Kena:

But it didn't stop there. So he by the. When he was able to come out of the hospital, he was not back to normal. He had a chronic condition that we knew wasn't going to really improve, Right. So it was something that we just had to live with, and we also knew that he was not going to live into his old age. We were not going to be planning, you know, retirement together. That was not happening. And so what is it like to live like that, Right In your thirties, in the prime of your life, right when you're, like, looking around and your friends are going on adventures and maybe buying their first home, maybe thinking about having kids, all these things that you think about in your thirties? Those were sort of all in the back burner for us, Right.

Kena:

And I think it's then that you know I spoke about the voice that I followed when I was younger, but without being aware of it, Right. And I think that the awareness around that voice came during this time, because it was at this time that I really started looking for answers Like how do I look at this situation? How do I get through this? Like I know that falling apart is an option, like absolutely, but I don't want. I feel like there's got to be another way. I think that's when I really started listening to what are the answers that are already within me, and not to say that anybody does it alone. Right, you hear those. You hear the answers and then they draw you towards certain things, towards certain support or the right book or you know whatever it is that you may need. But you realize that you do have an inner guidance system that will help you get through this, and I only wish that I knew that. You know years before.

Jen:

Really, I think anyone could listen to this and say you know how often am I tuning out because maybe I am? The inner critic is running wild. The comparison loops in my mind are running wild.

Kena:

Yeah.

Jen:

And all that is just kind of crowding or, like you know, shutting down the frequency for us to really be able to listen to the whispers. Is it so loud? Yes, back to the space, giving yourself space yes, what daily routines do you put into your daily life and practice, whether it's for yourself or with your family? I know you're a mother. How do you kind of incorporate this into your life?

Kena:

So for me, I give myself space first thing in the morning and it's a little bit of a non-negotiable. But at the same time, when you are a mom, you have to be flexible, right? So that's one of the things that I try to help women with is to understand that this isn't about being perfect. It's not putting another thing on your to-do list that like you're gonna feel bad if you don't do it the way you said you're gonna do it. So in my ideal situation, I wake up before my daughter, I do not look at my phone, I have my coffee, I read something inspiring, that's, you know. It's sort of a way of like for me Implanting first thing in my mind something that uplifts me, yeah, and then I do a meditation Movement daily, even if it's just a walk you know I think again not over complicating it.

Kena:

And then at night what I do with my daughter is we play a sort of like the three best things of the day and the one difficult thing I love that exercise, yeah, and the one difficult and the one that's really important part of the exercise.

Kena:

Yeah, because then we like highlight all the wonderful things, but then we get a chance to talk through anything that did feel difficult and it sort of allows, like this time, to Maybe focus on something and how can we look at it differently or how can we process it. So we do that, and then I have a bit of a journaling exercise that I do at night as well too.

Jen:

There's something that you said I think that's so profound, it's like how do we process it? And so that's a really important exercise. I don't think that's, I don't think it's talked about enough Mm-hmm, and I've been thinking about even this kind of topic that you bring about in your work, which is really the next version of you transformation. When people are on the cusp of that, I think they feel it. What are the signs that people are in that season of change in their life?

Kena:

I think it's when that whisper Becomes louder and more nagging and this voice is just getting so loud and what do I do with it? And I think that's really a sign, and I have been there. You know, I know what that feels like. Yes, and it's almost like the tears are just sort of on the surface and you feel like anything could almost trigger them, because you just like feel this, almost like this bursting feeling, you know, and I honestly think it's the best thing ever. It's like you coming alive, you know.

Jen:

As long as you recognize that, that's where you are. Yes, exactly, it's so easy to confuse that you're there, yes, with something else. Yes so how can people confuse the moment, like when do they know they're actually in the season of change? And then what do they tell themselves? To kind of deny it or kind of confuse when they actually are.

Kena:

I think the first thing that people say to diminish it is that I'm having a midlife crisis. And you know women in their 30s can say this to you right here, that sort of term, so I'm having I think I was saying it in 25.

Jen:

Yeah, yeah. So many chapters, that's right. Quarterlife crisis I've heard that too.

Kena:

And I think that, like my whole, you know, one of the things I talk about so much is how you position something, yes, and how you perceive something, and for me, we need to strike the word crisis and Replace it with the word awakening, because I think it is sort of our next level of awakening, right, and we are waking up to something. This, like this, knowing this, remembering.

Kena:

There's something else happening inside of you. Yeah, exactly, and you are waking up to that. Yeah, and so it will lead you to a higher place, instead of causing you to spiral and think like what's wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy with what I have, you know? Instead, it's like no, I'm like growing. Now this is like a growth spurt.

Jen:

For me is also been a being okay knowing that there's really positive things on the other side, because it can feel like I can't see anything. I don't know where this is going.

Kena:

Yes.

Jen:

Where am I supposed to be, and so, like you're, in a bit of that nebulous, undefined space, but starting to embrace that feeling because you know that's what real transformation feels like, versus just moving the deck chairs around in your life.

Kena:

Yes, and you know, I call that the magic of the unknown is like this.

Kena:

It's also called a liminal space, this place where you aren't there yet, but you haven't quite left where you were and you haven't quite figured out where you're going, and you're in this sort of transitory space. But again, it's how we perceive it and I think that if we can look at it as the space where possibilities are endless right, and, yes, there's fear around that but if we can lean into but what magic could happen here? If we can lean into that, then it keeps our eyes open for those you know little nuggets of wisdom, or for that person we should talk to, or for that idea that we should do, that idea that we should pursue, or that article we should read you know, it just sort of leads us down this like lovely path with like hidden treasures and hidden messages along the way.

Jen:

What are some critical things that people have to do to evolve into that next version of themselves, and where do you take people in some of your work with them?

Kena:

So unpacking what you really want is sort of that first step, right? And so what's your first answer that comes to your mind? And oftentimes that answer isn't actually what you really really want. Oh interesting, yeah, it's oftentimes what you think you should want, right? Or it's what you think you can have. You know, like what you think is available to you.

Jen:

Value where you're value lies yes.

Kena:

Whether it's money, yes, career Exactly it's like your baseline, what you like, and it's rooted in your beliefs, like if it's a relationship, it could be. I just want somebody who has a decent job Period. That's good enough for me. You know what I mean.

Jen:

I love that, yeah so example I don't love that outcome. I love that example because we can all relate to that one.

Kena:

That's right and so I think you know, unpacking what you really want is sort of that first step, right, and that involves taking time for yourself, reflecting on your life, reflecting on your values, on what's important to you, and that again coming back to how do I want to feel, right? And so, if your answer is well, in a relationship, for example, I want to feel inspired and I want to feel like I'm constantly growing with this other person, then having a baseline that he has, a steady job, might not quite be serving you right, it could be the beginning.

Jen:

It's not the whole thing, that's right. That's right.

Kena:

Yes, and so getting clear on what you want is the first thing. And then the second thing is you know, we use that. We've talked about that example, about somebody maybe just not needing to leave their job, but really just wanting to show up differently, or wanting to show up as their authentic self in that job. So some of that involves confidence, right, and I think we have learned to feel confident in certain areas of our life, yeah, but I think just having confidence in who we are is a different thing, right? And so the second step that we would work on is building up your confidence, and to me, that is about having trust in yourself and believing in yourself. Those are sort of the two, you know trust and belief. Those are the foundational components of confidence.

Kena:

It's not about like having all the answers or being excellent at something you know. To me, that's not what confidence is. Confidence is like I can trust myself to figure this out. I can trust that I will find the resources I need to do this. Right and belief. I believe in me, like you know, with literally no caveats. I believe in me and I believe that I can create this life that I want, or I can be the person that I want to be. I can have the relationship that I want to have, you know. And then the next step is courage, because we need to take action, and so the next steps can sometimes come pretty fast and furious. I call them inspired nudges, where you get this little nudge and this little idea and we get them all the time and we often just ignore them. But what if you were to actually listen to those as if they were instructions? What if you were to be like oh, I got this little nudge to reach out to this friend or to talk to this person?

Jen:

Even if you gave yourself two weeks on that experiment and if that was?

Kena:

to?

Jen:

live, I would have lived. I'm going to use two weeks and I'm going to run that experiment. That's right.

Kena:

It's a very cool experiment to run and it is interesting to connect the dots later, because you can never know where it's going to lead you. But I think if you look back on any sort of magical time in your life where there were serendipities, it could be how you met your partner, or how you found your dream job, or whatever it is you'll connect the dots and be like none of that was straightforward.

Kena:

It was like I got this nudge to go into this coffee shop or whatever it may be, but we only see those in hindsight, so we tend to minimize the importance of that.

Jen:

I love that. So everyone listening should just run that experiment for two weeks in their life, totally Document it, all write it all down and tell us comment and tell us what happened, yes, and what unfolded. What could people start? Just if there's one reflection question they could put in their journal, what would that reflection question be?

Kena:

My favorite, is what do I want? What do I want? And you know, it's like we said that experiment of doing it for two weeks, Like for two weeks, every single night or every single morning, whichever one you're more likely to do. Ask it again what do I want? And the next day, what do I want? Because I guarantee you, it is like peeling the layers of an onion, and what you say on the first day and what you say on day 14, the the, the changes it changes and it goes deeper.

Jen:

Okay, and you get to the tip. Is you have to write it down? Yes, you have to write down.

Kena:

Don't ask yourself, don't just like think it in your head. I think that's where I've been caught up because I've been.

Jen:

You know, I dream in my head.

Kena:

No, no, you must, and I ideally actually pen to paper, not on your laptop, because there are studies that show that writing with your hand is, um, it creates like a heart to mind connection, right, and um, so write it with a pen, okay.

Jen:

So the tip is every day, morning or night, your choice. Yeah, right, with the pen. Yes, it will evolve. You'll see everything change through the 14 day experiment. Yes, and then the second tip is going to be follow the nudge yes.

Kena:

Right, absolutely.

Jen:

Like, even it's like. Oh, I feel like going I the Saturday morning. For some reason. I feel like ordering a different coffee today.

Kena:

Yes, whatever the nudge is, do it Also. It's so much fun. It's so much fun to live life from that like place of just following your whims. You know we need more fun. I love it.

Jen:

We have covered a lot of grounds from the backdrop of people's lives, how they make big change in their lives, where we get caught, the adversity along the way, the recognition of being in the space of change and transformation. But I feel like this last piece of just really having the blueprint of those three things that you talked about and those two week takeaways, this is I'm so excited for people to have this experience. I'm so glad that I was introduced to you. Thank you for coming, thank you for being with us.

Jen:

We're going to put this out and we're going to have everyone comment and like and share and I just I'm imagining.

Jen:

so here's my vision of what I think might happen is just this just becomes a collection of people being able to listen to something but make meaningful change, like after this podcast, and even if it's just a talk. You know, I find myself sometimes listening to things or reading books, but I don't integrate anything, and I really want people to kind of integrate the wisdom that you're bringing forward and through this discussion and, more importantly, once they do, hearing all about it and hearing about the fantastic things that unfold for people in their lives. So thank you for being here and sharing all this with us.

Kena:

Thank you, jen, it was so much fun. Thank you, Thank you.